I have decided to join in on the two week challenge and see how I do. But first I want to share why I am doing this, and what it means to me.
I [don’t] trust my body
Those who know me might think it a little unlike me to do something like this, and they wouldn’t be wrong. Well not about the old me, anyway. I didn’t used to trust my body, my energy or my strength anything like enough to do something so demanding. Now I do.
On November 23rd last year I had an operation. It was meant to be a quick day op to remove a lump. It turned out to be a bit more complicated. What they found was much, much bigger than they had seen on the scan.
Dismissed by the doctors…
What had been dismissed by doctor after doctor as being ‘all in my head’ turned out to be all in my abdomen. Well a rather large amount of it anyway. So no it wasn’t anxiety, depression, attention seeking (!), Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, phantom pregnancies, or as I had been told since I was 10 – IBS. In fairness it is apparently very rare, certainly for the lump (a remnant of a rudimentary foetal reproductive system that should have dissolved away) to be as big and problematic as it was. I couldn’t even find much about it on Google.
But it explained an awful lot – I knew now why my body, my general health and immune system suffered so much. The years of dogged struggle against such deep seated chronic pain that my brain had stopped recognising the cause and just registered it as deep, deep tiredness. And then there was the acute searing pain each day, which I’d had since I was a child and had become second nature – I thought everyone had it, but apparently not! No wonder Sitting Forward Bends hurt so much.
It’s taken a few months to recover from the operation, and for my body to recover from years of being dragged down by pain. The lump was just one of a number of challenges my health has faced. I have, and will continue to, nurture my mind and body with Dru Yoga, but now I am ready to reap the rewards of years of determination to be healthy.
I have jumped feet first into running my yoga business, giving up the desk job to focus on my teaching. And yesterday I saw a picture of me practicing yoga. It took my breath away – who was that lady with the definition in her arms, legs and torso? Who was that person who could lithely stretch into an extended runner? Surely not me!?
You are strong
I used to hate living in my body, my skin didn’t fit and every touch was painful. Anyone who has had an injury or illness which has taken away their strength and replaced it with tiredness and pain will be able to understand how horrible it is. But now I know I CAN trust it. I can build its strength and I can achieve things I never thought possible.
Having seen how far I have come I want to see if I go a bit further. Taking it easy of course, I’ve not got here without learning to love my body, work with it and listen to it when it says no!
Completing the #fitin5 reps in the park this morning did hurt a bit but it was exhiliarting. I can feel my muscles, not because they hurt, but because they are stretched and strong.